From outside

Do I portray the image of me I want people to see? do people see the things in me I strive for? Or is my image just a facade I have created in my own mind of how I am and how I react to my world? These are hard questions. I know what I want people to understand about me, I know how I feel but are people being abused or disrespected by me? Am I hurting someone without realizing it? Are someone's feelings the ground under my shoes? I only have questions. I so much so don't want to hurt all you people out there in my world. Its against what I want its against my goals. Its against me. I don't want to wrong people. I want to reply in kindness and love. Like that is easy. I don't want to confuse the truth to hurt people. Kinship with those within the body which I am a part of relies heavily upon my reactions towards them and those not a part of this group. With my Kin I no longer want to dishonor them because the fruit of this is destruction and pain. For me to be involved in this harmony; sacrifice on my part needs to be made. All this in order that we can work together to cover each others disappointments and cover their shame in ways that they feel loved and cared for. To bring life to each other instead of dishonoring each other. Dishonor is opposition to kinship and rots the core of our relationships. So I wonder how I am seen by people everything down to my facial expressions towards them so that I can work to love them as I claim to. god says love your neighbor, I strongly sense that relation is mandatory in this love. When we love our spouse or God we don't just love them from a distance saying I love them but I don't really like them or want to be around them. No instead we love them by treating them with more honor and respect than we deal ourselves. We give them our best when we truly love them. Love has no alterior motive, like physicality or stature or even fame because love is done out genuine adoration and care for another. Love is very intimate not fully sexually as that is a culimnation of love but as a person makes sacrifice to treat the other as better than themself. In loving all my neighbors I have no room then for false jestering or banter even because i feel like that brings shadows of doubt into the one whom you love. God would never tell you aww you really suck at whatever your doing no instead God would allow for instruction given in an intimate and loving way which may seem harsh but you grow in a positive and more full-to-life direction. To be seen positively by my peers really sounds hard to me. I feel like I need to be soo cautious and thoughtful. But I love my God, and he has asked me to love his people just as he loves me. intimate true love, the true kind found in friendships. The kind with no motive to gain anything accept to love one another in a most pure form.